This has been on my mind a while, and I know I will probably get tons of bullshit milso’s standing up for themselves, and saying this and that, it’s all words to me, I don’t give a fuck what you have to say to me, or if you want to throw your Army wife drama my way. Just hear me out:
I have seen more then enough of my friends, and brother’s getting divorced and relationships end because of PTSD, because he “Didn’t come home the same” “I couldn’t handle it”. You see, the glitz, and glamor of military spouses on tumblr, the homecoming photo’s and gifs of jumping into each others arms, the count downs, the engagements, the stupid ass (what you all think is cute?) milso quotes and sayings..ect. Okay. What about after all this shit? He/she’s home. Now what? It’s not going to go back to how it was before. After the homecoming excitement wears off, what then? When he starts getting nightmares? When he’s angry? When he’s anxious, jumpy, snappy? When he shuts you out? Wont talk. How will you handle it then? Is it still the perfect “Military fairy tail relationship” ? I’m not saying every single one of you is like this. But I’ve seen it. I’ve gone through it. I also understand, it’s not easy on the flip side, to deal with that. At times it’s not fair. At times it can seem like we’re using you as the punching bag, taking it out on you, shutting you out, ect. It’s like walking on eggshells, not knowing what you can say, when, how, what noises, what movies..it’s all just a huge puzzle you have to piece back together. I guess it just really pisses me off, when I see that being in a relationship where one is in the military, is such a hype, I don’t get it. What’s so great about the distance? The training, the deployments, the cheating (yes, I said it). It’s like people just like the story. PTSD, combat stress, anxiety..that isn’t a fairytail military relationship. Why don’t you see that part all over tumblr? Why isn’t that glamorized, and part of the hype? “I’m going to be there for him through everything, I’m going to wait, I’m going to try and understand, what can I do..” Yeah I get that shit in my ask, daily. My answer? Will remain the same. “Just be there” that’s all you can really do, but yet, I see my friends getting broken up with and divorced, left and right. I understand, if the relationship becomes a danger, and abusive and unhealthy. But, for the ones who just “Don’t want to deal with it”, because “He’s not the same”, harden the fuck up. He went to war, did you not expect to have him come home with some of it?
Well said Braydon.
It’s sad. The feeling of loneliness, the knowledge that there’s nothing you can do to help but to just be strong, and be there when they need you. It’s even more sad that still so many people, even those in the Military, don’t understand the power of PTSD … So many times I’ve seen my husband and others be brushed aside because there are no physical markers of PTSD. He’s been told to brush it off, given sleep meds because more sleep will make everything better, given some mainstream anti-depressant without medical followups that made him disappear into himself. It’s hard seeing the person you love change … but you know what? That’s nothing compared to what he’s going through. That’s nothing compared to what replays in his mind every day and night. Nothing compared to the loss he’s felt watching and holding his friends as they die for no just cause.
Thank you so much for this post. Thank for you being a voice of reason amongst the photoshoped yellow ribbons, and hunky men in uniform.
